A visit with Aunt Nettie
by NavyBrat84
Summary: Having left NCIS, the States, and the family she created there to discover herself Ziva makes visits to her Aunt Nettie. A/N: This is a personal story of sorts for me and will only be updated when I can bring my heart to do so.
1. Chapter 1

Ziva walked quietly down the corridor as she passed door after door, the heels of her boots clicking on the tile beneath them. She peeked into a sun filled room at the end of hall and paused in the doorway. She sighed softly as she took in the room before her, a bed stood against the wall to her right, a bedside table next to it, and a bank of windows lined the far wall. The décor was generic nursing home. By the windows sat an old chair and a woman with hair as white as snow occupied it. Ziva smiled at the woman even though she couldn't see her.

Easing into the room she walked quietly, not wanting to disturb or frighten the elderly occupant of the room. She cleared her throat about halfway into the room to give some warning. The older woman looked back to her and her face lit up. The recognition from the other person had Ziva releasing a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure if it would be a good day to visit or not, not that there were many good days these days. The nurses had told her to not expect much when she checked in at the nursing station, but they hadn't stopped her visit either.

"Ziva!" the older woman exclaimed, "How nice to see you!" She struggled to rise from her chair and Ziva rushed the last few steps to stop her.

"No. No need to get up," Ziva urged as she enveloped the woman in a hug and helped her back to her seat. "Shalom," she smiled after she was certain that the woman was safe.

The older woman cupped Ziva's face in her hands and kissed her cheeks softly. "Shalom, _yakiri_," the woman grinned back at her. Ziva brought her hands up to rest over the wrinkled ones that warmed her face. "You look tired," the concern filled her voice as well as her eyes and Ziva glanced away from her gaze for a moment. "Have you not been sleeping?"

Turning her attention back to the elderly woman Ziva put on a brave smile. "I am sleeping," she told the woman. Just not that much these days, she wanted to add but bit her tongue instead. "It has been too long since I have visited you, Aunt Nettie. I thought it would be nice to see you."

"You are busy," she dismissed the guilt as she drew her hands back to her lap. "I am an old woman. No one wants to visit an old woman when they are young and have a life full of promise and work."

Although she knew the words were meant as comfort and a way to not continue to guilt her into feeling bad for the lack of visits they stung Ziva instead. "You do not believe that Aunt Nettie! Everyone deserves visitors no matter their age."

Aunt Nettie stared out the windows for a moment. "Come tell me about your life," she motioned for her to take the other seat that sat a few tile blocks away. "You must have some interesting stories to share without breaking security codes."

Ziva rose from where she had knelt before her aunt and settled into the empty chair behind her. She looked out the windows that helped to bathe the room in warmth and light, a sad smile played at the edges of her mouth. The garden just beyond the windows was lush and green, a stark contrast to the golden yellow sand that flooded the land behind the walls that surrounded the oasis. "I… I do not have security rules to follow these days," she admitted quietly after a few beats of silence. "I left NCIS."

Nettie looked at the younger woman confused. "Why?"

"I…" Ziva let out a shaky sigh and folded and unfolded her hands and feet a few times before continuing on. "I did not want to turn into my father," her voice was barely above a whisper. "I need to remember what good is… to follow my heart."

The older woman looked at her quizzically, not sure if she had heard Ziva's words correctly. Damn, getting old and losing one's hearing is not easy, she thought to herself. "I do not understand. I thought you were happy there. You always went on and on about how wonderful they were and how you helped so many people. I thought you were doing 'good' there."

"We did. We helped many people, but…" Ziva looked back to the garden. The confusion on her face mirrored the face only a few short feet away. "It is hard to explain."

The two women fell into a silence for a period of time. Ziva's mind wandered back to DC and everyone there, Nettie's mind just… wandered.

"Where is your husband?" Nettie asked suddenly, snapping Ziva out of her reverie.

"My what?" Ziva sputtered.

"Your husband," Nettie repeated. "Tony? He said his name was Tony, right?"

Ziva's eyes went wide and a hearty laugh rang through the room as the memory from years before of Tony snatching her phone from her and yelling into it came racing back to her. Aunt Nettie had been trying to break up with her Mahjong partner and couldn't quite figure out how to explain it to them. She had asked Ziva for her advice and in turn Ziva had asked for Tony what he would say without giving him all the details. Tony had snatched the phone from her before she could say another word and let out a tirade on her poor Aunt Nettie where he blurted out that he was Ziva's husband before hanging up. Ziva had been too stunned to stop him. After she had recovered she called Nettie back and tried to explain it away, but it seemed today that Nettie's memory of that had escaped her. "Tony is not my husband," Ziva explained again shaking her head in disbelief. "I told you that, remember?"

"Do you still want a pony?" Nettie changed the subject without answering.

The sudden change in topics felt more like whiplash than anything else and an uneasy feeling settled in Ziva's stomach at the choice of words that had been used in the question. "Not for a very long time." She watched the aged woman before her. She called her her 'aunt', but truth be told she was much like Shmeil was to her. An older family friend who was much like an aunt to her and she was raised to refer to as her as an aunt. They had been very close while she was growing up. After her mother had been killed it was Nettie who held her while she cried for hours. She adored the woman. "How old am I, Aunt Nettie?" she asked, concerned.

Nettie's face softened as she looked back to Ziva from where she had looked out the window again. "Ziva!" she grinned again. "Was I expecting you?"

Ziva's heart faltered at the realization of what was happening. "No, Aunt Nettie," she soothed as she rubbed her hand over the weathered hand of the woman before her. "I thought you might like a visit though."

The two women fell into a start and stop conversation as Ziva would answer questions that Nettie asked only to jump to a different topic suddenly. There was much talk of year's gone pass and Ziva's heart ached for the woman that she loved. As the hour grew late Ziva began to ready for her departure.

"Nettie," she murmured as she started her goodbye, "I need to go for now." Ziva looked to the nurse that haunted the doorway for a moment before backing away in understanding that she was about to leave and not in need of a reminder that visiting hours were nearly over. "I will visit again soon."

Nettie fixed a warm smile on Ziva, "Okay, _yakiri_." Ziva moved in to kiss the older woman's cheeks. "Where is your husband? Tony, is it?" She repeated her question for earlier in the day.

This time Ziva did not laugh. She smiled softly and kissed the other woman's cheeks again as tears pricked at the back of her eyes. "Tony is in DC," she murmured. "He sends his love."

Ziva walked quietly down the corridor as she passed door after door, the heels of her boots clicking on the tile beneath them and her mind wandered back to DC.


	2. Chapter 2

Ziva tugged at her sweater, pulling it closed around her and tying it with the belt that hung around her waist. She had spent the last six weeks hoping from island to island in the Mediterranean, Malta, Cyprus, and the Greek Islands. It had been fun. It had been calming, but as the end of November drew near and Chanukah drew near she returned to Israel. She put her hands around her cup of tea to warm them, frowning as she thought that it should be warmer in that room. She glanced around the room she was in, it was a dining hall and she was sitting near the window. A soft winter rain fell outside bringing with it a sense of melancholy with it. The lights in the room were low, but still bright enough to make it easy for people in there to see things. Quiet murmurs floated around her as she waited for the person she was there to see. At the table behind her she heard the older gentleman speaking with his visitor about the Holocaust. His voice shook and was tired, but the IDF solider listened earnestly at the story that he was being told. She remembered being a young IDF solider making the same visit to survivors. It was part of their training and when the woman that she spoke to showed up to her IDF graduation ceremony before getting her first assignment she was touched. She sighed at the story as the dark thoughts rolled through her mind. She was suppose to have learned a lesson from her visit with Ruth Rosen, one that would remind her that the need for peace and understanding was what they stood for, why they wore the uniform. The thought filled her mind for a moment and then the sense of failure overwhelmed her. She had created her own Holocaust with every life she had taken. The blood that she had spilled had lead to dozens of bodies and broken families and this left a searing pain in her chest. Damn orders.

"Excuse us," Ziva heard a soft apology coming from her right and looked towards it. A nurse pushed a wheelchair past another table towards her. Aunt Nettie smiled brightly having already seen her waiting.

"Shalom, _yakiri_!" Nettie nearly squealed like a delighted child as she stretched out her arms for a hug after arriving at the table.

Ziva leaned in instinctively, relishing in the love that was being showered on her, "Shalom, Aunt Nettie." She pulled back and tried to fix the best smile on her face to hide the thoughts that had just been circling within her.

Nettie searched her face and her bright smile faded. "You look troubled," she murmured as she cupped Ziva's face in one hand.

"I am fine," Ziva assured her as she nuzzled her cheek into Nettie's hand for a moment. Her eyes closing as she grew strength from the hand that had comforted her so many times before. When she opened her eyes Nettie was giving her a questioning look, not accepting the assurances that she had just been told. "They were talking about the Holocaust," Ziva nodded towards the IDF solider and older gentleman. "I was just thinking about that."

The older woman's face clouded momentarily. "I understand," she whispered.

"You seem to be having a nice day," Ziva brightened, knowing that she needed to change the subject if she was going to keep this visit going. "I was surprised when the nurse told me to come here rather than your room."

"Every day that I draw breath is a good day, _neshama_," Nettie patted Ziva's hand. "They want us to come here more these days. They say that it is to help with a festive atmosphere." Ziva smiled, Nettie really did seem to be having a good day. She seemed lucid.

"I am sorry I have not visited in the last few weeks," Ziva began, "I went for a tour of the Islands. Just got back from Cyprus. Do you remember that one holiday that you joined my family for when we went there?"

Nettie thought for a minute as she looked out the window at the falling rain. A smile began to form on her features as she remembered the David family vacation for many years before. "Your abba got so frustrated with you because you would not come out of the water when it was time to get ready for dinner. Your imah laughed at him and told him that you got your stubbornness from him and then they began to debate on which it truly was you got it from. Your imah said it was from your abba and your abba said it was from her. They both refused to admit it was from both of them."

Ziva laughed at the story. "I remember not wanting to get out of the water, but I do not remember their disagreement."

"You would not; I shushed them before you did come back to shore."

"You were their peacekeeper," Ziva conceded. "That was the summer before…" she looked out the window as she took a sip from her tea.

"The summer before the cracks in your parent's marriage began to show," Nettie filled in Ziva's thought. "You were eight."

Maybe it wasn't so good that Aunt Nettie was so lucid, Ziva thought to herself. "The first of many cracks," she whispered. "Imah took us to Haifa shortly after."

The nurse that had brought Nettie out appeared and placed a cup of tea in front of the older woman, reminding her sip it slowly so she wouldn't burn herself and then left them be again.

"Your mother saw your father training Ari and it frightened her. She feared that he would start doing the same with you and Tali," Nettie explained. "She thought that taking you to Haifa would keep you safe from it, but she loved your father so and she returned not long after."

"Maybe it would have been best if she kept us away," she mumbled.

"_Lama_? She loved your father, Ziva. Even though she was scared of what he did and what he was teaching Ari it hurt her to stay away. And you and Tali cried for many nights because you wanted to see him again."

"If she had kept us away we… I would not have become what I have. Ari, Tali, and I could have grown up and we could have become what we dreamed of," Ziva struggled with her words. "Instead Tali is dead. Ari too. Imah and abba are gone as well. I am all that is left."

"You are not a bad person, Ziva," Nettie soothed. "You have a gentle soul."

She let out a short snort, "a gentle soul would not have done the things that I have done."

"_Yakiri_," she could not stop the frustration from spilling from her mouth as she addressed Ziva. "You have always been your harshest critic."

"I have done unspeakable things, Aunt Nettie! I should not be forgiven for them."

Nettie took Ziva's hand in her shaky one. "You must not believe that, Ziva. You did as you were told, but that does not mean that is what you are," she pleaded with the young woman before her. "But you are too stubborn to understand that," she added quietly.

Ziva stared out the window at the rain for a long while, lost in her self loathing.

"Sit up straight," Nettie scolded. "Young ladies should not slouch."

Ziva looked at her startled. She wasn't slouching, her posture was impeccable. "_Slicha_?"

Nettie was looking at her sternly. "Sit up straight, Ziva! You do not want to hurt your back. If you slouch you will get a hump in your back and no doctor will be able to fix it!"

The ramblings made Ziva's heart sink. "I am sitting up straight," she told her. The memory of the same speech came to her in a flash. She was nine years old and everyone had spent an entire month scolding her for slouching. It had taken another month, but Ziva did correct her posture after her ballet instructor told her that if she continued to slouch it would affect her dancing. That was the last thing she wanted to happen.

Nettie was rambling from one topic to the next now and Ziva knew it was time to get her back to her room. A nurse was making her way to them, having seen Ziva's worried face, but she waved her off as she rose from her seat. She positioned herself behind the wheelchair and eased the confused woman away from the dining room. Once back in the room that had been assigned to Nettie Ziva helped her into bed as the nurse who had trailed behind her watched.

"There," Ziva said, satisfied, as she tucked the corner of the blanket around frail woman. Nettie continued to ramble and Ziva smoothed her hair back. "Shh," she murmured. "I will visit again soon."

"_Neshika_," Nettie requested and Ziva smiled as she peppered the woman's cheeks with light kisses.

"I love you," she whispered into her ear.

"There will be children soon," Nettie announced as Ziva pulled away.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked, confused.

"There will be children soon," she repeated as she smiled.

Ziva brushed off the statement with a shake of her head. The ramblings of a woman who was losing her mind a little more every day. "Shalom, Aunt Nettie," she whispered as she backed away from them bed.

As Ziva reached the door Nettie called after her, "do not forget to have _tikvah, neshama."_

Ziva froze in the doorway for a beat as the words sank in and then she walked quietly down the corridor and into the winter rain.


End file.
